What not to see

Here’s why the movie Constantine is going to suck.

1. Movies based on comics almost always suck. Recent notable exception: Spider Man 2. It helps if it’s made by a fanboy.

2. Keanu is seriously miscast for several reasons. The character of John Constantine is smart, blond, and English. He’s also in his early forties. Keanu is too young, stupid, American and brunette to play this part. Keanu only works in movies where he’s playing a NVB (not very bright) character: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed, the Matrices. You know who would’ve been great as Constantine, though now he’s perhaps a bit long in the tooth? Sting.

If the premise of Constantine sounds interesting to you then get to your nearest comic shop and pick up a copy of the GN (graphic novel) Hellblazer: Original Sins, by Jamie Delano et al. If you like it, then pick up some of the other Hellblazer GNs by Garth Ennis. Various authors have done awful things to the Constantine character over the years (as in the current Books of Magic series, which aggravates me) but these early collections are quite good.

3 Responses to “What not to see”

  1. nyc bette Says:

    i’m still going to go see it…i just can’t resist! but maybe i’ll only pay matinee prices (which, in NYC, are about $8 a ticket)

  2. Erik Says:

    I’d say James Marsters would be good, for many reasons. Not least of which, he is actually *in* his 40s.

    Mike Carey, the current writer of “Hellblazer,” is a fine bloke, too. I encourage reading of his run, and of “Lucifer,” the true heir to “The Sandman.”

  3. Girl Detective Says:

    I have heard good things about Hellblazer in recent years, but I’ve pretty much stopped reading in the horror genre. And I’ve heard both good and bad about Lucifer. One of the things I liked best about Sandman is that it had great closure. It was a 75 issue run that felt very complete. Subsequent related things have almost always disappointed me, so I usually steer clear.