The Tyranny of the Kindergarchy
Joseph Epstein, at the Weekly Standard, is concerned about what he sees as a shift to a child-centered society (link from Art and Letters Daily):
Children have gone from background to foreground figures in domestic life, with more and more attention centered on them, their upbringing, their small accomplishments, their right relationship with parents and grandparents. For the past 30 years at least, we have been lavishing vast expense and anxiety on our children in ways that are unprecedented in American and in perhaps any other national life. Such has been the weight of all this concern about children that it has exercised a subtle but pervasive tyranny of its own. This is what I call Kindergarchy
Epstein argues that the centrality of children in a family does no favors to the parents, who become “indentured servants”, or the children, who become sheltered and need constant entertainment and gratification.
While there’s something of the “I walked to school ten miles in the driving snow when I was a kid,” about Epstein’s argument, I’ve been thinking a lot about this, since I stay home with my 2 and 4 year old sons. My house is dirty, my laundry piles up, and my yard is a weed mecca. This is because the boys are not only not helpful to the housekeeping, but actively detrimental. And out of guilt, or fatigue, I don’t always press my point. Yet why shouldn’t children facilitate and participate in the housekeeping? Cleaning, cooking, laundry and yardwork are good, honest work. And making a neat, orderly, presentable home is a fine ideal. They may seem less intellectual than a museum visit or a music class, but they provide ample opportunities for learning and exercise.
Added later: Mental Multivitamin wrote about the Kindergarchy piece, too.
June 7th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Wow! Terrific article. Thanks for pointing it out. When my fourth son was born my mom reminded me, “Don’t think that just because you have no girls that you have no one to help with the housework”. Ha! It’s been hard to go against the cultural grain asking them to help me, but it’s been worth it.
The article was also helpful because I worry A LOT about one of my son’s academic future. I need to learn to be more balanced about this. Thanks again.
June 8th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I’m traveling again, so quickly–yes. Use the kids for the housework and the gardening. Our guy loves it–now he picks the ripe strawberries and eats them from the strawberry pot we did together. He also knows how much we value our plants and other living things from the fact that I’m sad when he steps on them–he’s learning patience, and paying attention from our work together.
Finally, finally saw the Top Chef part one finale. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
So much to say, so little time.
July 5th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I think your thoughts on parenting children of your age are on the mark. At that age taking care of them is time consuming. However that is altogether different than what Epstein is talking about in The Kindergarchy. I have a hunch that your kids are too young now for you to know what is ahead on your parenting journey. What I mean is as your kids get older and as you do more things and are around others with older kids it is ‘another scene’ altogether different than what you know from normal life with children aged 2 and 4. To what extent you will do things that Mr. Epstein feels is ‘not good’ will vary but for sure you will see lots of stuff that other families are doing that would upset Mr. Epstein.
I thought over The Kindergarchy for a week and read it a total of three times before being able to write out my thoughts. It was a lot to take in.
Have you read yet “The Over-Scheduled Child”? If not I think you should read it NOW. It actually addresses pregnancy and parenting infants as well as parenting kids your age and older. I’d be curious what you thought of that book. It was originally published under the title “Hyper Parenting” but the publisher changed the title to help increase sales I guess that title was too negative. LOL.
I am trying very hard to both provide my kids with a good and enriching life while not over-indulging them and making them spoiled brats with a huge sense of entitlement in the mean time. I homeschool my kids in part to avoid the nonsense, negative issues and stress of public schools. With that said Mr. Epstein and also the authors of “The Over-Scheduled Child” may think that homeschooling is the ultimate in controlling a child’s life and the ultimate in hyper parenting. LOL. I don’t really care what they think though and need to do what I think is right and best by my children right here and now.
Here is my blog post on my thoughts on The Kindergarchy if you want to read it.
http://thethinkingmother.blogspot.com/2008/06/thoughts-on-kindergarchy.html
Have a great weekend.