The lure of mediocrity
I’ve been tired for a long time–in fact, since well before I had a baby. I didn’t sleep well during the pregnancy, and every time someone said, “Sleep now, while you can!” I wanted to punch them. Now, of course, I say the same thing to pregnant women I know. I wasn’t sleeping well, but I didn’t yet know the soul-crushing nature of ongoing sleep deprivation.
During the past two years, I have often opted for easier choices for my free time, sometimes with books, and especially with movies. “I don’t want something challenging,” I’d say, then I’d watch something like Shanghai Knights or The Italian Job. These weren’t exactly bad movies, but they most definitely weren’t good ones. I came away minus my free time, and somewhat entertained but with a less than fulfilling interior life.
As Drake’s sleeping habits have improved over the past several months, I have felt the fog lifting. I’ve stopped reading books that I didn’t find well-written. I’ve avoided movies that have mixed reviews, especially ones whose reviews read something like, “The movie is just OK, but the performance of person X is outstanding.”
Don’t get me wrong. There is a time and place for good bad movies, books, etc. The other night when we finished watching television, we saw that Galaxy Quest was on, and watched several minutes of it with enjoyment and no guilt. Galaxy Quest is a good example of a movie whose execution was above average. It’s not high art, but it’s well-done and entertaining. But there are far too many truly mediocre movies out there in comparison to the few that manage to rise above the pack.
There was a period in my life during which I actively shunned self-development. I wanted to have fun and not work at anything very hard. It is humbling to note that this behavior is not just part of my past, but something that crops up in times of fatigue and stress. In my lucid moments, though, of which I am having more and more, I know that I want better for myself. I want to read good books, watch good movies and television, eat healthful food that is well-prepared, exercise and seek out things that are both good and in some way good for me. Doing these is more challenging, as the more conscientious choices nearly always are. But they’re worth it, because I’m worth it. I sometimes forget that.