Pondering Post-Partum Depression
In the wake of my post-partum depression, many parents of older children, my father included, shared with me that they’d found parenting small children very difficult, and didn’t much enjoy parenthood until their children were older.
I find it interesting that so many parents are able to admit this is retrospect, but so few of us can while we’re in the midst of it. I frequently find caring for my small children stressful. Their needs are greater than my capacity to meet them, and I often feel resentful that my own physical, emotional, and intellectual needs are indefinitely put on hold.
Yes, there’s joy and wonder, but there’s also a lot of poop (literal and metaphorical) to be dealt with. The ratio of sacred to mundane is so imbalanced that it can only be reckoned as apples to oranges, quality to quantity.
I don’t think it’s coincidence that so many women experience post-partum depression, and yet there’s still this taboo about admitting how parenthood is often harder and less pleasant than we’d hoped.
August 5th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
The whole stigma surrounding not only PPD but just the fact that much of this parenting thing is not what we expected, is so hard to break through. I only have a small handful of close friends (other moms) who I can truly share my mommyhood-related frustrations with and know that I won’t be criticized. There’s still this pressure to try to live up to this totally unrealistic model that everything about having kids is wondrous and joyful. Thanks for bringing this up. The more we talk about it, the greater the chance of tearing down this stigma. (I love your blog by the way and have linked to it from mine!)
August 7th, 2007 at 9:53 am
There’s a very difficult balance between talking and writing about how hard taking care of small kids is for me, and bitching about it. I love my kids; I’m glad I had them, and I wouldn’t undo that decision for the world. Also, the recent week my husband and I had alone affirmed both that I’m glad to be married, and I’m glad we decided to have kids. But it’s still hard every day for me.
I don’t want the kids to believe that I dislike being their mom. Yet I don’t want to pretend it’s easier than it is. Like you said, it just perpetuates this romantic myth of mommyhood. If we discuss real life experience AND the inherent joys, perhaps other women can have a more balanced consideration of whether to get married, have a child, and have more than one child, in spite of the considerable social pressure to do so. And perhaps the incidence of PPD could be lessened, or the severity ameliorated, by having a more honest, supportive environment if people do decide to have a kid or kids.