Girl Detective

I’m 45. I wondered recently if because my Granny is almost 99, if this didn’t make me less than middle aged. Alas, it was a joke, and I’m recently butting up against trying to dress my aging self. I’m thinking wistfully of the time my yoga instructor said to me, “Your abs look aMAzing!”

To which I responded, “Not for long, I’m 6 weeks pregnant.” And that was the last we saw of my flat belly, though I suppose I should take some consolation that it went out at the top of its game.

Now, though, it’s a definite bulge, and my current challenge is that I can’t find a clothing layer that covers both my belly and my boobs. If it’s long enough at the bottom, it’s plunging, often below the edge of my bra at the top. If it covers my (admittedly scanty) cleavage (aka Cleave-land) then it hits about my belly button.

So I’m desperately seeking something–a tank, a camisole–that can meet both needs. I have one Bordeaux top that a friend gave me that does pretty well, though new ones are price-y (or spendy as we say here in MN) at $55. I picked up some Alfani camis (no longer available on their site) from the Macy’s sale rack shopping with my sister last week.

I also ordered a couple things online, and was reminded of the problem with online purchases–easy to buy, hard to return. So I think I’m back to shopping in person. And yet, shopping isn’t exactly the best use of my time. Sigh.

But my prey is elusive, and I suspect this is EXACTLY the kind of silly quest that distracts me from things I really should be doing, like writing, some volunteer work at the boys’ school, exercising, and cleaning house. I do so love silly quests.

I’ve been riding my bicycle a lot more this year, well into this year’s glorious fall. After one long ride, I had very cold ears and hands. I wondered if it was time to suck it up and buy some cycling gloves. Then I put on a pair of fleece ones, and they worked fine. Purchase avoided.

But my ears were still cold. My husband, who bike commutes in cold weather, wears this stretchy black hood under his helmet during the winter. While it’s practical, it’s just not cute. In pursuit of cute, I took one of my scarves, put it over the head and ears and around the neck. It fit nicely under my helmet, I held it closed with a vintage sparkly pin and then did my cold-weather ride. And returned home with warm ears. Not sure this’ll work when it gets below 20F, but another bike gear purchase avoided utilizing existing resources. Woo!

This is a reprint from the “spring” but became relevant again this week.

Preparing to Go Outside: The Order of Operations

First, determine the outside temperature. This system of layering will be too warm for above 20F, but below that should stand you in good stead.

Next, remember what your mother said: use the toilet.

If you wear eyeglasses, consider contacts, as they don’t steam up. I’m heading steadily into bifocal territory, though, so I rarely wear my contacts anymore. Steamed lenses are better than loss of close vision.

Apply moisturizer to face, neck and lips. Heck, everywhere. During the winter, I forego sunscreen to maximize what little vitamin D I can get from the sun.

In order, don:

1. Underwear (underpants, and bra if you wear one)
2. Undershirt (thermal or silk, longer length is best)
3. Long johns (thermal or silk). Pull waistband over bottom of undershirt. This will keep your lower back (or overbutt, as my 7yo calls it) from unwanted exposure.
4. Socks, long and thick. Pull tops over bottoms of long johns.
5. Shirt(s)
6. Pants, over bottom of shirt. Do NOT tuck overshirt into long johns.
7. Sweater
8. Snowpants
9. Boots, hat and scarf
10. Gloves/mittens. Gloves inside mittens is the warmest, but diminishes dexterity.
11. Coat. The lower the temp, the puffier and longer it should be, covering at least your butt and the top of your thighs.

This order of operations has you always pulling something over a previous layer, rather than tucking in a subsequent layer, which makes for a smoother line and means you don’t have to double back, for example if you accidentally put boots on before snow pants. Also check out Sal’s post at Already Pretty on Layering Without Lumps.

Stay warm. And remember, it’s only six months till spring.

(because it’s only technically spring, here.) First, determine the outside temperature. This system of layering will be too warm for above 20F, but below that should stand you in good stead.

Next, remember what your mother said: use the toilet. As an eyeglass wearer, I start by putting in my contacts so I don’t fog up every time I go in and out of warmth. I also apply moisturizer to my face, neck and lips. During the winter, I forego sunscreen to maximize what little vitamin D I can get from the sun.

In order, don:

1. Underwear (underpants, and bra if you wear one)
2. Undershirt (thermal or silk, longer length is best)
3. Longjohns (thermal or silk). Pull waistband over bottom of undershirt. This will keep your lower back (or overbutt, as my 7yo calls it) from unwanted exposure.
4. Socks, long and thick. Pull tops over bottoms of longjohns.
5. Shirt(s)
6. Pants, over bottom of shirt. Do NOT tuck overshirt into longjohns.
7. Sweater
8. Snowpants
9. Boots, hat and scarf
10. Gloves/mittens. Gloves inside mittens is the warmest, but diminishes dexterity.
11. Coat. The lower the temp, the puffier and longer it should be, covering at least your butt and the top of your thighs.

This order of operations has you always pulling something over a previous layer, rather than tucking in a subsequent layer, which makes for a smoother line and means you don’t have to double back, for example if you accidentally put boots on before snow pants. Also check out Sal’s post at Already Pretty on Layering Without Lumps.

Stay warm. And remember, it’s only two more months until the frost date.

Last year, Minnesota Monthly did a profile on local fashion and self-image blogger Sally McGraw. I liked her look, and loved what she had to say, so I started following her blog, Already Pretty. As this winter has dragged on, and on, I’ve found myself again and again reaching for cotton turtlenecks with the sneaking suspicion that neither Tim Gunn nor Sally McGraw would approve. I bit the bullet, and wrote to Sal:

I’m a stay-at-home mom and writer with 2 boys in NE Mpls. Right about now in winter is usually when I throw in the fashion towel. Boots, long underwear, turtlenecks under sweaters.

I struggle with winter mom fashion in MN in general, but am wondering, is there a way to wear cotton turtlenecks and look put together and not frumpy, or am I better off with non-turtles and scarves all winter long?

The response was what I had expected:

Now, turtlenecks. Honestly, they are tough to pull off. Very few people - myself included - actually look good in a close-fitting turtleneck. We wear them anyway when it’s freezing out and there are definitely times when warmth trumps fashion. If you love them lots, you can try doing a t-neck AND a scarf. Having something drapey and/or patterned to soften the harsh lines of the turtleneck helps a lot. You can also mitigate the high neck with a deep-v blazer. But going without turtlenecks and doing just scarves and cowls will look more chic and flattering. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

Her response, while disheartening, has not purged my turtlenecks from rotation, especially on days below 20F when I’ll be out and about. But it was a good reminder not to reach for the same old thing, and to give more attention to the scarves in my closet, of which there are more than a few.

Valentino: The Last Emperor is a dishy little documentary about European designer Valentino, the last of the big-name global fashion designers to run his own house. At 75, after 45 years designing, Valentino continued to work daily, even as his company was sold and then taken over, and rumors flew about his retirement. The film shows the events leading up to his last few shows, as well as the amazing 45th anniversary celebration that took place in Rome.

Fashionistas will delight in glimpses of insiders like Anna Wintour and Karl Lagerfeld, as well as celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Anne Hathaway and Uma Thurman. Valentino is a dynamo, but he shares the spotlight with longtime business and personal partner Giancarlo Giametti, as well as with his own stunning creations, brought into being by a hard-working team of numerous seamstresses.

An informal poll of friends, culminating with local fashionista and vintage maven MD this morning on the street, confirms that this is my bag for fall:

which I’ve accessorized with this scarf:

Confession: I picked the bag to complement the scarf. Like the bag; love the scarf.

Top American designer Michael Kors shared a dozen pieces of style advice in “Secrets of Style for Right Now” from the April Issue of In Style magazine. It avoids the “r” word for the economy, but subtly advocates versatility and common sense for shopping in hard times. Tips include: Buy clothes that can be worn throughout the year. Beware indulgence on trends. Instead, focus on the best basics you can afford. If you splurge, do it on a sure thing like a great trench coat, or a fabulous item like gorgeous sandals that won’t get dated. Link to full text of article is from The Butlers Front Porch. If you’re able, try to get your hands on the magazine for the real article. The Kors items used to illustrate the points are striking and lovely.

Lifetime and Bravo have finally settled their lawsuit over season six of Project Runway, which will air this summer on Lifetime.

Meanwhile, Bravo comes back swinging and doesn’t bother to pretend it’s not a rip off, with The Fashion Show, with judges Isaac Mizrahi and Fern Mallis.

For those of us left with a bad taste in our mouth after Top Chef Season Five, no date has yet been set for Season Six, though casting took place earlier this spring. Better yet, at least two Twin Cities chefs auditioned!

Meanwhile, though, Bravo keeps the culinary reality goodness alive with Top Chef Masters, kind of like an American Iron Chef a la Top Chef. (link from ALoTT5MA)

PAJAMAS are the other thing you can buy if you’ve gained weight and need some retail therapy. I try not to indulge these days, but am awfully tempted since I saw Robin wearing these Mandarin Hipster pajamas on How I Met Your Mother the other week.

It wouldn’t be the first pair of pjs I sought after seeing on the tube. I got the Yummy Sushi pajamas after I saw them on Buffy the Vampire Slayer years ago, and love them still.

I found OMG, Shoes at Big Brain Comics, and had to have it. It’s an illustrated ‘zine-style shoe memoir by Sarah Morean, in the manner of Ilene Beckerman’s Love, Loss and What I Wore. Morean uses pencils and watercolor to detail 44 pairs of shoes, with a sentence or two about their history.

It’s a charming little book, made even more so by its deliberately cute black faux-lizard soft cover and assortment of decorative bindings. I chose a simple pink bow, but there were faux pearls and other pretty, shiny options. At $5, it’s a bargain; I feel like I went shoe shopping in someone else’s closet.

I thought this year’s Oscar broadcast was a big improvement over years past, and I enjoyed it a lot. I thought Jackman’s opening number was funny and well done. The later one was over-the-top, which I think even creator Baz Luhrmann knew, since he looked sheepish when Jackman thanked him and the camera panned to him at the end. But anything that features an extended bit from “You’re the One That I Want” is OK in my book.

TV critic Alan Sepinwall has some suggestions for further improvement, like going back to showing the film clips for the nominations and removing more of technical awards. I agree that they should probably remove the sound awards, though cinematography could stay. I also think the shorts should go, both animated and documentary. I know they’re important, but few people see them and the show is too long.

I have a few other ideas, too.

One, have stylists urge their clients to wear color dresses. Light silver, white with silver, off white with silver, light gold, cream, ecru, off white, white, etc. are not colors, they’re neutrals. Do you really want to look neutral? Outlier was Viola Davis in burnished gold. Wow.

Two, have stylists urge their clients to do their hair. Jessica Biel looked like she just got out of bed, plus her no-color dress looked like it threw up on itself. Her later switch to purple didn’t improve things much. And Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I don’t feel bad for you even if the announcer did get your name wrong, because anyone who wears a knit cap indoors deserves what he gets. Your haircut in Doubt looked fabulous.

Third, Reese Witherspoon, wha’ happened? Did you get bitten by brooding, soulless, vapid, teen vampire Robert Pattinson backstage? Your black and blue dress with matching(!) eyeshadow made you look undead, and you’re usually rocking the show.

For more snarky mayhem, visit Go Fug Yourself.

Fall color is not just for trees. I’m in the midst of my annual fall-fashion magazine binge, and my most-wanted color duo is dark plum and bright yellow. They’ll go great with dark brown or gray.

Purple patent ballet flats

Purple leather hobo bag. Both from Target.

Lincoln Park after Dark nail varnish by OPI, a favorite of my fashionable NYC friend, N, who bought me

the bright yellow flats I’m wearing today, as a gift for fall.

I’ve heard a lot of non-love out there for the current season, 5, of Project Runway. I’m having fun watching, though. I think this is an interesting crop of designers, and that the final three, and the winner, aren’t as obvious as they were last season. Project Rungay continues to be the best, and most entertaining commentary on the show.

A few thoughts: Blayne is playing to the camera, and trying to be Christian with his catchphrases. He’s only still on because his designs are more bizarre than plain bad. Stella became much more entertaining as the series progressed, and I’m sad to see her gone. I’d been thinking Terri was a shoo-in till Jerell made his fabulously bitchy comment that she’s got two faces and four patterns. Rowrr!

The Drag Queen challenge was one of my favorite episodes. I loved how the designers referred without exception to their clients using the feminine pronoun, since their clients’ gender was female. I loved how the drag queens came in decked out, then au naturel, and then a combination before the runway show. I thought Joe deserved the win. As Michael Kors loves to say, “He put the right girl, in the right outfit, styled the right way.”

Saturnalia: I was surprised first by Korto’s woven seat belts, since bags of that have been around for ages. But the end result was so beautiful and intricately done that she deserved her second-place finish. I’m also thrilled to see Leanne finally win, with her crazy, futuristic, perfectly executed, and bogglingly not-unflattering design.

DVF: Kenley continues to crusade for most annoying, though as long as Blayne’s around, she’ll lose. But her meltdown was entertaining, and her dress was beautiful. I’d wear it in a second. I own 2 DVF dresses, and they’re among my favorite clothing items, so Diane von Furstenberg as both challenge and guest? LOVING! Leanne wins again, and Korto is in the top. Joe is delusional, and it appears Terri is, too. Delusion usually signals an imminent auf’ing, as with Mormon Keith.

I’m a terrible prognosticator, but I think Korto and Leanne are going to be in the final three. Whether the third will be Terri or Kenley I’m not sure. Jerrell could be a wild card, but I think (and hope) Blayne and Joe are next to go.

I’m really enjoying Season 5. Last season it was pretty clear from the get go who the final three were going to be, and they were so talented that something of the joy of competition for a supposedly amateur prize got lost. This season, though, has a mad mix of personalities, from “leathuh”-lovin’ Stella to 3rd-person using Suede. The judges are so bitchy they sound like they might have been at the bar just before coming to judge’s table. Perhaps my only complaint is that Bravo has thrown in the towel with its marketing, spoiling all the surprises of what the challenge and who the guest judge is going to be, both on its site and in the previews.

Last night’s Olympic challenge was a nice variation on the ice skating challenge from season 1. Only Joe seemed to realize he was designing for people with muscles, but he still came in third, after Korto’s striking white outfit and Terri’s impressive, though boob-squashing, three-piece stunner.

Jennifer’s choice was baffling. She keeps saying she’s a surrealist, but I didn’t see it at all. Like Daniel’s, her outfit looked vintage, not modern, and definitely not sporty. Daniel is a pouty, anxious (remember Daniel Franco?) guy who I hope goes soon. Blayne really needs a smack upside the head about the dangers of tanning. He’s going to look 23 going on 45 sooner than he imagines. Terri, LeeAnne and Korto are the ones to watch, I think. And if Joe couldn’t win last night’s challenge, after insisting again and again that he would, he should just go home.

For more commentary on last night’s episode, visit Project Rungay.

The return of Project Runway, and was it me, or did Bravo run it an hour earlier (9pm Eastern, 8pm Central) to further confound fans?

A few observations. Suede has a silly name, freaked out at a challenge that had been done before, and refers to himself in the third person. Two contestants from my city of origin, Columbus, Ohio? Will someone tell Blayne that tanning is a bad idea that he’s going to regret in a very few years, and ask him if he has allergies or a coke habit. The two runners up last night did not look like gracious winners. I thought the mop top, the paper-towel dress and the pasta skirt should have gotten more love. I love how Austin Scarlett celebrates his femme-y self. All three of the losing dresses deserved their drubbing. Last night I questioned the judges’ decision and thought the goth trashbag was the loser. Looking more closely this morning, I am still horrified by Blayne’s whatever-it-was. Reviewing the serial killer/nurse outfit this morning, I applaud the judges’ decision.

For more dissing and dishing, visit Project Rungay and Blogging Project Runway.

Project Runway Season 5 starts tonight on US television. This is the show’s last season on Bravo, and the network is acting rather pouty; Bravo did hardly any marketing for the season, then dumped a ton of info at their site a few days ago, including a list of the challenges and guest judges. Part of the joy of watching has been the weekly surprise of what the challenge is, and who will be sitting with judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and Heidi Klum.

So while Bravo is messing with the marketing, mentor Tim Gunn talked to Time magazine and answered some questions. My favorite comments:

Pear-shaped women should make friends with their shoulders. Not wear shoulder pads, but rather avoid tanks and sleeveless tops. Wear things that cover the shoulder to visually balance the look from head to toe.

Worse shoe trend? Crocs–”they look like plastic hooves.”

And, finally, on the comfort excuse: “If you’re going to dress like you just got out of bed, please, stay in bed.”

For more PR news and nattering, visit Project Rungay and Blogging Project Runway.

Sorry if the title offends; it’s a quote from the adorable Daniel V. of Season 2.

Christian and Tim have a walkoff on the roof. Why wasn’t this on the show? (Link from the fabuloso Tom and Lorenzo at Project RunGay.)

Democrats do have an historic race going, Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president, an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.

–Jon Stewart, from the opening monologue

What is happening?!

–Diablo Cody, on winning Best Original Screenplay

Fair play to those who dare to dream and don’t give up.

–Marketa Irglova, co-winner for Best Song, brought back onstage by Jon Stewart after being rushed off by the orchestra

Mazel tov to the Coen brothers, who scored a hat trick with No Country for Old Men. Did you know they’d only won one other Oscar, for the original screenplay for Fargo?

Did you notice how The Bourne Ultimatum won all three awards for which it was nominated? I think the Academy members were trying to give that film, one of my favorites of last year, more of the love it deserved from Oscar.

Overall, I was disappointed in the fashion. Black, red, and blage. Where was the color? Where was the joy? Oh, I sound like Michael Kors on Project Runway. Hated the peekaboo shoulder bullseye on Katherine Heigl’s dress; was she promoting for Target? And who did her makeup? Hated what Jennifer Hudson’s dress did to her should-have-been voluptuous chest. And while Tilda Swinton is weird, there are quirky dresses that are pretty; she didn’t have to choose a velvet garbage bag and forgo her bra. For more fashion dishing and dissing, Go Fug Yourself.

In a grievous lapse in taste, this week’s Project Runway episode, Raw Talent, challenged the designers to make wrestling costumes for women of the WWE. Absurd and entertaining, yes, but a showcase for the contestants’ ability to design a women’s fashion line? No. Just no.

Like the avant-garde challenge, this one was suited to Chris. Also like that challenge, he and Christian fully embraced it and produced spectacular ensembles. Jillian’s was good, Sweet P struggled, Rami thought that draping an ample bosom in brightest pink was an OK idea, but Ricky missed the mark by creating a bathing suit, not a wrestling costume.

Five are now left. Most fans I talk to predict that the final three will be Rami, Christian and Jillian. The latter’s utter lack of emotion (last night’s example, the flate restatement of her client’s exuberant reaction, “She loved it.”) does not have me looking forward to that. Sweet P and Chris are far more vibrant and interesting, though probably not as skilled as Miss J.

Check out Project Rungay, and Manolo’s recap for more snip-sniping.